A Christmas like no other…

This season has been especially hard this year. I don’t know if it’s been from the memories of losing mother 2 yrs ago or having shingles and feeling poorly or what. Call me bah humbug but I’ve just been so sick of all the pressure it puts on you… financially, physically and mentally. I wanted to stop it all and just ‘coast’ through Christmas. I went into ‘freeze’ mode. I wanted something different this year…and tears and bed rest was all I had.

On social media I had written a post about ‘others’ having a hard time during the holidays and how this is the time for more depression because of many factors and also the worst time of year for suicides. And then it came to my mind that it’s not just ‘them’ out there. It’s any of us… Depression doesn’t discriminate. It was eye opening and I started wording things differently. It could be anyone. Your next door neighbor, yourself…. Anyone.

I had such a heavy heart to try to help anyone who may be suffering with it… In any way God could use me. Because after all… I also suffer with it. No one wants to admit it. It seems too shameful. I decided instead of posting ‘perfect’ Christmas holiday pics I would leave my awareness posts front and center hoping maybe someone would know they are not alone.

Fast forward to last night .. Christmas Eve… Feeling tired, aggravated with annoying neighbors not caring how loud they continued to play their headbanging music and other things going on… I told my husband, I was beginning to hate Christmas. I cried because I’ve never felt that way before. Isn’t Christmas supposed to be ‘happy’?

A friend sent a text… 2 words.

It started a conversation. I was real with her, which surprised her (and me)…. But it opened something that surprised and shocked me even more.
She confided in me that she had just come through one of the worst times of her life and had made an exit plan. She had not told anyone because she did not want to be stopped. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. I would have never thought…

She went on to say that she had found a new way to be grateful and had not gone through with it.
Immediately my perspective on life changed.

I knew God had put this subject on my heart for a reason. Had I been trying to have the ‘perfect’ Christmas with all the bells and whistles… I would not have been feeling my own feelings and opened up to her with my honesty…. I may have never known what had gone on for her. You see, no one would have known… Some people don’t show it.
Instead, we were able to have a heart to heart and I was able to thank her for sharing with me and other things.
I say this… because our pain and suffering truly does have purpose. For the first time this season, I saw something that made sense to it all. What was chaotic and confusing on the surface…God had deeper things going on and all we have to do is trust him and go with it. Cry those tears, scream if you need to. He’s big enough to take it. Like the scene of Sergeant Dan in Forest Gump with his fist in the air! He can take it! And he will give you his peace…but for now, sometimes we have to go through the mud slinging and all the other hard stuff until we finally collapse in his arms and lap once again and he lovingly shows us his greater purpose.
My beautiful friend is still with us. And I am so thankful to God that he allowed me to be in the mud and not on the mountain top looking down on her. And isn’t that exactly what Jesus did? Come to us. It’s the perfect Christmas now

God bless you all. ♥️