Walking along a path this past week- I saw this. It described exactly how I’d been feeling lately. I realized in that moment that my deep life’s mission is to help other hurting women. Oswald Chambers said it beautifully…”Mans dust is his glory…not his shame”. Rest in the one who created you. He will cover you with his feathers.💗
If you’ve ever dealt with depression or any other mental health issue in a loved one, (or maybe your own) then you know what it’s like to miss their smile.
I took this picture yesterday on my cell phone as my daughter and I were talking. I couldn’t help but see the light…the laughter. My heart was full.
I’m being very vulnerable by sharing this. It’s been a long 7-8 years. I watched one of the most precious things in my life, lose her light – I didn’t realize to what extent until one day I saw her smile again…and realized how much I missed it.
Never give up.
May this picture give you hope too.
Never give up.
I found this writing last week after going through the notes on my phone. I wrote it back in July of 2015. Amazingly it describes a situation in our life this past week.God knows all and prepares the way before you.
I hope you enjoy this and maybe it will resonate with you. xo
(Photo by me….Wall in Asheville)
Life is ever ending beauty… if we just allow ourselves to see it.
However painful, however devastatingly beautiful or crushing…do you allow yourself to feel it?
We walk the steps of this life in search of what we think is true…Floundering like the fish, yet they know what they are doing…unlike us.
I am coming home again. My heart is coming home… His completely divine presence is too sweet for words – so I am not able to form with letters….Only to speak from my heart in the form of limitless love and heartache –
To look at you in the eyes –
To put my hand on your shoulder as you hurt –
To sit in silence and completely not know what to say except I love you.
I started on on my morning walk. As usual, I strapped my camera over my shoulder and took off. It crossed my mind….”God…you always show me something unique…something different”. I love the surprise photos I get sometimes. Some days it happens….some days it does not.
I walked along and after a little while I saw a man approaching me. He seemed to pull something out of his pocket and I thought to myself that he was going to give me something. It looked like a piece of paper. As he passed by he asked if he could give me a gospel tract. I said sure. He said “God loves you” and kept walking. I smiled to myself as I flipped through the little tract. I told God thank you that there was still people who were willing to share his love.
A little while down the path I saw writing in the dirt….”Jesus, Lord & King”. Ahh! Here was my surprise! I knew it must have been this gentlemen that took the time to bend down and write it. His heart must be so full that he just can’t help but share. Great…I got a few shots. (Will put that on facebook! lol)
It had been an eventful walk. 8:00 in the morning. Hardly anyone there and yet still God gave me little tidbits of himself. I was so glad that I had made the choice to go.
I was nearing the end of my walk. Not too much further to go. Another gentlemen was approaching me. Jacket and a cane. Then about 20 feet in front of me, he stopped and with his foot…starting rubbing at something on the dirt path. I thought “no!”…”oh surely he’s not”…..
He walked past me with a countenance of stiffness in his face. No smile. No kindness.
A few more feet and I would know if I was right.
He had rubbed out the name “Jesus”. My heart broke. I couldn’t understand how someone could hate the very one that loved him and created him. But here’s the deal. They do. They hate him. I almost asked him what offended him so much but I didn’t dare.
So I’ll pray. But I am also thanking God that he allowed me to see this whole thing play out. I was there at the exact time it happened. There had to be a reason. Maybe it’s to write this. I don’t know.
I share with you a piece of that walk…this picture. I am glad I took it. I am sure it is not there anymore. I am glad God is.
I saw him sitting there…bundled like a well-wrapped package. Only this package was not pleasing to look at. In fact, it was down right hard.
I watched as others looked at him too. I was not the only one thinking how different he was. He was not one of “us”. Clean & shaven, well dressed and …well rehearsed.
I tried to imagine what had made him that way…Bad life? Alcohol? Laziness?
Wrapped in torn clothes & dirt. Nothing he owned was close to new. They were filthy rags but he was ready for the coming cold.
He ate a little and then went back in for more….Hot soup & coffee. Appropriate, I thought, since he will be trying to stay warm later.
A voice or “thought” kept coming to me during this quick “evaluation” I was making. “That $20 in your left pocket, give it to him”. Yes, Lord! I thought Great idea! He could probably use it.
Then it started. One by one, all the reasons I shouldn’t. The first one being “That’s a lot of money. We really need it”. What if…what if..
Now, I sat condemned. Sitting before my food with thoughts of how the morning had gone. Spending here and there on things that I “wanted”, not needed.
Now before me was black & white. What really mattered. Funny, someone just said the other day…Giving & generosity are a choice.
So I sat. Doing nothing. Frozen. Holding fast to that twenty dollars. Rationalizing it in my mind. A choice. (Oh, how powerful we think we are sometimes). Life is more than what we try to hold on to.
Then it happened. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a man walk by him. He had given him something?
Had he given him money? Just like I was going to do…or rather not. I looked back at the bundled man eating his hot soup. He had a look of pleasant disbelief on his face. I glanced downward and saw a folded bill in his hand.
Then the part that overcame me took place. This bundled & torn person, the one everyone politely stared at, closed his eyes, looked towards heaven and whispered “Thank you Lord”.
I couldn’t watch anymore. I could hardly eat. A big lump in my throat was now there. My husband had no clue what had happened, but I felt like “life” had just shown it’s face to me.
It wasn’t about having fun, decorating my house etc. I’m not even sure what it’s really about. I just know it’s not about that. Me, my excuses, my money. It’s always about me….trying to play the part.
And then there’s him. Who has absolutely nothing except the one thing that does matter….God.
May your holidays be about “life” and not the “things”.
James 2:5 Dear Brothers, has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith…”
I drew this picture a while back.
I titled it after the Christmas song I keep hearing on the radio “I wonder as I wander…” (beautiful song)
The song plays in my head when I look at this picture. Not only because of the “wonderment” in this child’s face but also because that is my very question..
“I wonder as I wander”….
When I do a drawing (and it is seldom that I do),…it is usually when deep down in my spirit, I know I have to.
This has happened several occasions. If someone “asks” me to draw their loved one, I usually cannot do it. It does not flow. It has to come from within. It is only then that it flows.
Like this picture, I look back even though it’s been years, and I wonder…, “how” did I do that”?
It just never seems that it came from me…and it didn’t. It was Gods spirit moving my hands. I am too nervous and lack such confidence.
It is him that gives us these gifts. He uses the foolish to profound the wise.
To me this is how you know when something is God. When all you can do is simply look in amazement, no words,…just wonderment.
Merry, Merry Christmas!! Xo